I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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