my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
