First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
