I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
