my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize