i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
