the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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