I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
