she woke up with a sticky ear
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
