My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
