I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
