It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
