goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
