There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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