Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize