What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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