After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
