I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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