why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
