so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
