ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize