so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm sobbing to NWA
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize