I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
