Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
