Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize