I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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