did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
