This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize