the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
