Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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