Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
