Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
