so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
