Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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