Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
