Midget sex pt 2 tonight
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
