they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Floor bacon is actually really good
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
