Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
