yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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