So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
