dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
