i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
