Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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