I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
