i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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