if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
