Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just saw a hot homeless man
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
