that's an acceptable place to lick
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
