hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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