That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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