you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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