he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
