Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just cropdusted the office
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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