i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
