I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I look better un-naked...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
either way he was missing a nipple.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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