Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
