she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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