Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
