I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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