do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize