ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize