it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
