I want to walk on stilts...naked
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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