ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
