Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
