I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
