Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
