Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
