I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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