I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
