So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
