He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize