Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize