She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
