You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
