They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
