you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
