i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
