I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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