HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
