none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
