i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
