Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
